A Place to Rest my Head

Ok so i go to work at about 10:45. Im not sure when Chris goes to bed but i do know that when he does he tells everyone that is here to go home unless they are staying the night. Well i got off work a little early tonight so i got home a little early. I find Dj sitting on the computer and Chelsea on the laptop. When i walk in the door i hear from Dj "you're home early" and then they close what they were doing and leave. So i know that they must come over after Chris goes to bed and they sit here until about time that i get home and leave. Which pisses me off. So tomorrow i am going to tell Chris to kick people out when he goes to sleep and then lock the doors. Im tired of coming home to people that arent supposed to be here.

So for the past week we have been house sitting for Chris' aunt Ronda. Doing so made me really want our own place. I loved it. But then i hated staying home alone. Chris told me to look for cheap apartments. We wont move for some time still but he said that he sort of wants a place of our own now. He said the only thing is though that we will need a room mate. So i threw out the idea of Matt at him. Because Matt also has a job and he is 18.

Wednesday night was VERY interesting.

Well i am not sure what to do yet. I was dying Chris' hair like 2 days ago and it made me really want to dye mine. I am now thinking of doing underneath black. Im not sure though. I like crazy colors and want to continue with them however i cant afford it. they intend to not hold in my hair for very long. I also want to do some kind of a new cut. I dont want to make it much shorter though. I want something different. Im sick of plain hairstyles, thats why I loved the pixie cut. I was also thinking of going back to Burgendy hair with blonde bangs. I dunno. I just wanna dye it

So we just got back from pet land. I was really close to getting Chris to buy me a Siberian Husky puppy. He was so cute. I started to cry and Chris felt bad. He was $900 though. I just looked online for some and someone is selling them for $350. I weally want one :( We got another Guinea pig though. We named her Gabby because at first she wouldnt shut up.

I HATE BEING EMOTIONAL!!!

Well thanksgiving is comeing up. Which means i have to go spend the day acting perfect with my moms family. I am going to ask my mom for money to go buy a new pair of pants this weekend so i actually look 1/2 way decent. otherwise i go wearing my elephant bottom pants. Lol. I was originally planning on going down to Tennessee but my uncle never e-mailed me so we arent going. I had to move back into my moms. Its boring over there so i stay at Chris' til like 9-10 and then i go over there. But yea~ My sister is moveing back sometime within the next week YAY. I think she is staying in my old room so i am going to call and see if my dad will let me go over and go through all the stuff in the closet so she can use that.

Well Everything is going good. Sparky, Williams Guiene Pig, died last night. We only had him for like a week. So His mom is takeing him to get another one today. My rat is getting really fat so i am dropping down her food. I need to get Rat vitamins and put some in her water and stuff. She used to be really active but now she isnt. I hope she doesnt die too.

Last weekend at Screamfest. YAY. Halloween is Monday. I wish i didnt have to work. Well yea...I am gonna go bye

CHRIS BOUGHT ME A CUTE RAT!!! WE NAMED HER GIZMO.

ramie889
2005-08-30 03:29

Now, you must understand that I do not dislike you at all. The only quarrel I have is that ya'll seem to treat everyone different now that you're back together. We'll just have to talk about it in person or some'at like that? You get me? Because I think we've all learned that internet slashings are too dramatic and we'd all be happier if we said it to each other personally.... if that's alright with you, because I figure you'd prefer talking in person rather than us getting any 'gurr'-ness on the net, lol. I dunno, reply back with what you'd like do to chat about it, whether in person... on aim.... or in letter or something... phonograph?... morse code? your call ;P

Today has been a good day. I left here (chris') this morning and went to my mom's like every other morning. Well i get there to find that they have NO power. So i am stuck in a house with No power for 1 1/4 hours. Well i was suppost to be. Normally i get there about 7:40ish and i leave at 8:50ish. Well today i left at 8:20. Why is because A- i couldnt stand being at the house. I mean no power means no music and i ALWAYS listen to music while getting ready for school. I also had to go to the bathroom and all the toliets at moms are power plush which means no power....no flush.So i left to go to my brothers and use his potty but on the way i seen my buddy Amanda sitting all alone at her bus stop so i stopped and talked to her for a bit. She is going to go with me to get my dress for homecomeing. Yeah....homecomeing. Chris and I are prolly going :D. he didnt want to at first but i talked him into it. *grins* but yea. By the time i got to Paul's he was gone so i just went to school. But yeah

my sissy is prolly moveing back to Rockford *throws party* I hope she does. I liked haveing her live close by. She is pretty much my best friend.

I need to talk to a few friends. I think maybe tonight I'll write everything i want to say to everyone in notes and give the notes to people tomorrow. Like there is so much shit in my head. The truth about everything. That i just want to get out and let people know. I would tell them face to face but some of these people might try and start a fight and I dont want to get into a fight with anyone. And then the others i only see like 1-2 minutes a day and it is going to take longer than that to tell them what i have to. I started writeing a note to Reggie yesterday. I gave it to her but i never had time to put everything else i wanted to in it. I dont really see a point in writeing another though.

I find it kind of funny that 2 people always said that I needed to grow up. That i was immature. That i needed to toughen up. But then i sit here and i look at how I haven't said anything. How I am trying to forgive and forget. How I tried to keep everything trapped inside so that the drama would stop. So that everyone would just get along again. But I guess that some people are just to IMMATURE to move on or realize when someone wants everything to end.

Yeah... I feel kind of bad because i feel like i am comeing between Chris and his friends. That if i wasnt still around that they wouldnt be fighting and what not. But that doesnt mean that i am going to go away. It may cause drama, and I may think 90% of the time that it is my fault but that doesnt mean i am going to leave. It doesnt mean that I am going to let the others win and scare me away, but it doesnt mean that I am going to win by saying they dont get to me. Because they do. Yea i have thought about leaveing. I thought about what would life be like for Chris if i wasnt here. But then i thought about what it would be like without him. And all though i may not act like it. I CAN NOT live without him. So what if everyone else disapproves. So what if im a so called "slut" I really dont care. But can you tell me how someone is a slut when they have only been in love ONCE? How unlike MOST people I waited for the one I knew i loved and trusted before i did anything sexually. I dunno......i just dont see how some people say some of these things when all they know about me is things other people say. Dont judge someone til you know them. And I know i am a hypocrit(sp?) for saying that because there are a few people I hate just do to the past. But thats because I get jealous VERY EASILY!!!!!! But yea~ I dont think i will write in this to much more. I think things are better kept to ones self. well to those i love and Trust. Being Chris, Dea, Maranda and Ashley.(the only ones that read this that Matter) But then again i sort of want to keep this. Keep writeing and talking about how GREAT life can be just to piss a few select people off. I am going to make this entry Public because as some of you have probably noticed i have shortened my friends list. But yet i want a few people to read this. To read that no matter what they say or do I AM going to continue to love Chris. And no matter how big of a "slut" i am i am staying right by his side. I love Chris and thats that. NONE of you can change that.

Should I dye my hair all blonde?
Or should I dye it My natural color (brown) with blonde strips in the front?
Should I repierce my lip?
Should I get a Monroe?
Should I repierce my belly Button?
Should I get my nose pierced?
Should I get contacts or keep my glasses?

yesterday was fun. I didnt even wake up til 5pm then i was talking to Dea. My back was bothering me so i went to Her house and got some pain killers from her mom. Then we sat there for a weee bit and then went to Walgreens for a minute because i wanted a ring pop. So we went and got those and then head to Party City to look around. Well we seen pinyatta's(sp?) an we wanted one. Then we decided to go make one. So we came to my house got Flour and went to Ellie's and made our Pinyatta which took like 3 hours. We put it in her garage. Then we came to my house and did the dishes and then went to Denny's and had Biscuts and Gravy. It was nummy. Then after that i dropped her off at her house and went to JJ's and sat and talked to him, Seth, and Matt for a while. Then Seth and Matt left and J and i sat and there and talked for a few hours. Then i took him to his dads and came home. Then i just woke up at 11am. And now im going over to Dea's and me, her, mom, Jd, and Chris are all going to Lake Louise. WOOT WOOT

Yeah well last night was fun. I went out to Bago at like 8:30 and sat at J's with him for a few hours while we waited to get a call from Seth. Well at like 11 we got ahold of seth and came back to Rockford and stopped at some chicks house and got some Alcohol. Then we all went back over to J's and went up in his room and started to drink. Neither J nor I drank to much. Seth made our drinks. Put to much Vodka in mine and not enough Morgan in J's. Well Seth got drunk. He was telling me and J how i am so hot. That he thinks i am the hottest girl J has ever had. Yea....Well we all sat up there for a while. Later J, Seth, and some chick smoked. I got a contact buzz from that and started to space out. Well after Seth and his female friend left J and I laid down and talked. I was meaning to go home. Told him i wasnt leaveing til he kicked me out. HE said if it is up to him that i wasnt leaveing but that he wasnt suppost to have girls in his room. Well we both fell asleep at like 4am. Then we woke up at like 10. I wanted to come home so i could get online and take a shower and shit. So we were being all Stealth like getting out of the house. Well his mom wasnt there. Right when we got to the car she drove past. We just laughed. Then i was bout to pull off and he kissed me and accidently said "i love you" then he was like "fuck, I dont know where the hell that came from" and he walked off. I just laughed. It was funny. I dont know what i am going tonight. He'll prolly end up calling later or something. I want to go hang out with Danielle or someone though. I dont want to start blowing my friends off again like i did when i was hanging out with Chris. O yea...I gotta run out to SF tonight at like 6:30 and drop off a Tu-Tu for Brooke>

anywho~ my neice started Kindergarten 2 days ago. She looks so cute in her Uniform. Little Lexie is just growing up so fast

Yeah thats right i've been haveing fun lately. I had been up from 10am on Thursday until 6am this morning. It was awesome. Thursday night I went over to Danielles her and i hung out for a while then some friends came over. The 4 of us all went to a Graveyard. That was fun. After that we just drove around for a little while then went to Walmart. After Walmart we went back To Danielle's. Me and a friend laid in Dea's room talking from the time we got home (bout 2am) til 5:30am. Nothing happened or anything we were just talking. Thats when Ellie and them came back. We all sat in the room til like 9ish and then went walking through tunnels and in Osco. After that we sat in Dea's yard just talking til like noon of which is when i came home for 6 hours. I got on here checked everything, and then went and took a shower. At about 5:30 i went and got Dea and we went over to Chris's so i could tell him that i cheated on him and what not. I wasnt gonna leave him. It was hard. We sat there in his room and he forced me to either say i love him or to leave. And im not sure if i love him so i didnt say anything. I just got up and left. Then Ellie and I went back to her house and sat around talking. Then chris called and said shit to me that made me cry to the point that i had a mild asthma attack. It hurt so bad. then after a while i got off the phone. Jared and Tory stopped by right before chris called too. They left about 10 minutes after that. Then We went to the store with Mom. After the store our buddies came over for a while and picked us up. We all went driveing around.Eventually we went to Sinnissippi park. We all walked on the bike path for a long arse time. Well me and "billy" (im not saying his name) were following them and lost em so we walked off on our own and just talked. We walked for like 2 hours then went back to the vehicle that wasnt there. turns out they went to Wendies because they couldnt find us. Yea. After that we drove out to Pec almost and went to thing junk yard thingy. After that we went back to Ellies. Ellie went to bed and me and "billy" laid in the front yard til 5am talking and shit. It was great. I finally came home and went to bed at 6am. Then woke up at 12:30. Now i am sitting on here talking to Dea waiting for 6 to roll around. *grins*

WOOT. I have a sugar rush. My mom bought me a 12.70 oz bag of M&M's, a full throttle, 2 of the six packs of Air Heads, Oreos, 24 case of Mountain Dew, and Moose Tracks Ice Cream. It is great. I've ate ALOT of sugar.

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